Perfectly Imperfect Family and Finances

Posted By Mr. Imperfect on May 21, 2008

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What is it that defines your life? What makes you get out of bed each morning to face another day? Most of us have asked, or been asked, these questions. After our financial fallout, my wife and I sat down to have this very discussion (which is material for another post entirely).

We thought, and we pondered everything under the sun. We questioned each other and had extensive conversation. After several hours of thought and debate, we finally came up with an answer. Are you ready for what we found? We found that we were defined by…nothing.

Not a singe answer we came up with could answer that question (which was part of the reason we got into our financial mess). We will have another post soon about all the items that were eliminated as possibilities, and the reasoning behind each choice, but for now lets focus on creating the change.

The first thing to do is actually decide on what you want your life to be about. Take you time with this, for if you stick with your choice, it will affect most every major decision made from this point forward. Once you have your answer, we found that we went through four phases during our change. These same truths will probably hold for most any change, not just a lifestyle change.

The Four Phases of Lifestyle Change

1. Phase 1: Withdrawal This was definitely the hardest phase. Nothing about our lives was the same anymore. The weekly $40 (a weeks worth of groceries for the two of us I might add) trip to our local Mexican restaurant-gone. The trips with friends a couple times a month with the intention of having fun finding ways to spend money-no more. (Friends who are true will stick around, those who are not will fade and be replaced by new ones that are more in line with your new found values). Spending hours on end lounging in front of the television watching cable or movies-at an end. You get the point. Every aspect of our lives had been flipped, shaken, stirred, and set back up. It was total misery for over two months. Then came…
2. Phase 2: The Honeymoon Once the shock wore off, we entered the “honeymoon” phase; life is good, look at what good choices we are making, I am so glad we are doing this together, we should have done this sooner, etc. If phase one was the hardest, this was by by far the easiest. Everything was in such perfect harmony, and we were beginning to actually see the results of our choices coming to fruition. Then it all went haywire…
3. Phase 3: Disenchantment Ah, yes. These are the tumultuous times. Not nearly as severe externally (like phase 1), but here is where internal problems, the mud-slinging, began. One would specify an amount for an expense and we both would agree upon it, then the other would go above and beyond the amount. Discussion only lead to one party accusing, the other justifying. One would request a task be completed, the other would balk “How can you expect that at a time such as this!” Thankfully, for us, this phase only lasted a little over month, but it was near impossible to be on the same page at anytime during that month I assure you.
4. Phase 4: Normality After we got back in the same ballpark, life became an increasingly smooth experience. By no stretch of the imagination are things perfect (we still have issues once in a while, as is the case with all relationships), but we are in tune with our goals and purposes now. New friends have entered the picture, and we are slowly cultivating those relationships. Most of the issues we had that stem from this change are now handled in a routine, almost reflexive way.

I must say that we are enjoying the results, and would not change the journey one iota. As always, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back, even though I do not think we would of had the level of success that we have experienced, I can not help but wonder if we did not change too much too quick; maybe we should have tackled one area at a time, which is something you may wish to consider. I would also like to say that you can not go into a cycle like this half-heartedly.

Unless you are at the point that you are totally disgusted with the way things are; a time when to continue on you current course is going to be so painful and depressing you have no choice but to take drastic action; whether you experience this ordeal alone, or with a significant other, if you are not 100% committed, you will fail. Just the hard facts. The siren call of your former life will sound sweeter and sweeter each day, until finally you give in. We had tried before, and failed miserably; it was not until we had a lifestyle change in our heart first that we succeeded. The countless hours of support and prayer from loved ones and others who understood also helped tremendously. Without faith and prayers we could have never made it; if you do not believe in God or a supreme being, at least find like minded individuals or a support group to help you through this. It is overwhelming when you decide to change everything at once, but the pain and aggravation will go away eventually, and your effort will be greatly rewarded. Are we enjoying a perfect life now? No, but we are a little closer.

Good luck, and have a great day!

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Category: Faith, Family, Finances, Goals, Personal Development
Tags: change, change your life, lifestyle, redefine life, values